


And If I Could Move, I'm Sure It Would Only Be To Crawl Back To You

by Too_Punk_Rock_To_Function



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: 1940s, Angst, Changing POV, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, Multi, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sam is a Little Shit, Tony Is Not Helping, duh - Freeform, prolly, steve is an idiot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-09 08:23:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7794493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Too_Punk_Rock_To_Function/pseuds/Too_Punk_Rock_To_Function
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bury me standing under your window with the cinder block in hand.<br/>Yeah cause no one will ever feel like this again.<br/>And if I could move I’m sure it would only be to crawl back to you.<br/>I must have dragged my guts a block…<br/>They were gone by the time we (talked)…<br/>I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself</p><p>Or!</p><p>Bucky and Steve fight constantly, but they always find a way back to each other. No matter what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And There's No Way To Talk To You, This Conversations Been Dead On Arrival

**_1938_ **

"Oh my god, are you really that stupid? You can not be serious,"

"I'm going to ignore that you called me stupid and when have I ever not been?"

"Oh I don't know, every second of your god damn'd life, to both of 'em!"

Steve was real angry, but that wasn't exactly hard to do, with a short temper like his. But Bucky, being the asshole that he always seems to be, just loves to provoke him further and further till he cracks,

"Oh, oh-okay, I'm the stupid one? Okay, you're absolutely right Mr. Constantly-Starts-Fist-Fights-With-Guys-Twice-The-Size-A'-Ya. You're absolutely right, I'm the stupid one, yep, obviously,"

"Oh, how petty, at least I'm tryna to do something good in this world Barnes, unlike yourself,"

"Oh yeah, who got into the army? News flash, not you Dollface!"

Steve flinched, before getting up and pushing the man in front of him back a couple of steps by shoving his chest.

"Don't you dare fuckin' patronise me James Buchanan,"

"Oooo, scary. Use-en my middle name, I'm in for it now, _aren't I_?"

"You're a real Jerk, and I hope you know that Barnes. Don't know why any dame has even looked at your ugly face,"

"Ouch Steve, how you wound me. Well, if they can't stay away from my ugly mug, then you must be the fuckin' pinnacle of beauty then, that they can't come near then, aren't ya?"

Bucky flinched after he said it. He honestly hated when they fought, because he always said some things that really tore Steve up.

"Well I guess so, at least if I ever got a dame, I'd know how ta keep her 'round. Not use her and dump her!"

Their fights always left them hurt and shattered, because both of them knew exactly how to break the others heart.

Bucky flinched, fists clenching and unclenching. Man he wanted to punch something. But he would never punch Steve. Of course, he'd push Steve off him, to try and avoid the punches Steve would throw, or shove him gently, but nothing to dangerous.

He could never bring himself to do that. He'd rather die a thousand times that hurt Steve.

And he feels like he has died a thousand deaths, with every word that pours from his unfiltered mouth.

"You and I both know that isn't what I do,"

"Oh yeah, then prove it! Go on, tell me how you don't lead 'em on, then watch as ya break their hearts!"

Bucky stayed silent, feeling the tears well up in his eyes. As Steve continues pushing him, gradually till Bucky's back is against the wall.

Each word that pours out of Steve's mouth like a shot to the heart.

"Go on Buck. Come on, show us how much of a real man ya are, leading 'em on, making 'em think they got a chance,"

"Shut up,"

"No, I don' think I will,"

Bucky pushed Steve back, hating himself having to physically fight Steve. Steve stumbles back, falling to the floor, a look of shock and betrayal on his face. Bucky bites his lip, tears threatening to overflow.

God he hated crying in front of Steve, Steve who was always so strong.

Bucky turned to leave, walking out of their bedroom, listening to Steve scramble up to catch up to him.

"Don't you dare walk outta that door Barnes,"

"Fuckin' make me,"

He felt something whiz past his head, smashing on the ground beside the door. He stared at the plate in shock before turning around and narrowly dodging the next plate hurtling at him.

"What the fuck Steve?!"

"I'm not finished!"

"Oh, poor wittle Stevie, didn't get finish. What's wrong Stevie? Do you got a boo-boo?"

"You know what Bucky Barnes!? I hate you! I couldn't care less wha' happens to you! I hope you walk outta that door, and never come back!"

Bucky felt like he had been stabbed in the gut, the tears that had been threatening their escape finally fell. That's the first time he told Bucky to leave. Actually told him he didn't want him.

"You know what!? Maybe I fuckin' will! If that's what you want!"

And he walked out slamming the door as loud as he could, enough to make it rattle. He ran down the stairs, trying his best not to fall as the tears clouded his vision. He would go to work, then find a place to stay. Maybe one of the guys from the dock would let him crash for a day or two.

Steve stood alone in their apartment, surrounded by shards of the broken plates, staring at the door Bucky had walked out of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is named after some lyrics of a Fall Out Boy Song called;  
> Dead On Arrival.
> 
>  
> 
> The title of this story is named after some lyrics in a song by Fall Out Boy called;  
> The Pros And Cons Of Breathing


	2. No More War, No More Clothes! Give Me Piece. Oh Kiss Me!

Four days later Steve works up the courage to walk down to the docks, to go and try and talk to Bucky. He'd cooled off, and he knew Bucky had to. It took less time for Bucky to cool down then it did Steve.

Bucky wasn't normally gone this long. It was worrying him. Normally Bucky would be back, telling Steve he was sorry and that he'll never walk out again.

And then Steve will apologise for pushing him to that point. He always hated when they fought.

And that he told him to leave. For the first time. And thrown a plate.

_Oh god, I could've hurt him real bad._

He missed Bucky, and his stupidly perfect face.

So at 6 o'clock Steve grabbed his jacket and took off to the docks, hoping to meet him there, but as he opened the door he saw Bucky, with his hand in a fist, as though he were about to knock.

"Uh, I uh, you, I came to um, to say, to tell you that I'm-"

"Shut _up,_ "

He grabbed Bucky's lapels, pulling him into the apartment. The moment he closed the door, Steve had pushed him up against the door and started kissing his neck. Bucky threw his head back and sighed, hands reaching to wrap around the tiny asthmatic that was assaulting him with kisses.

He moved his hand to cup Steve's jaw, pulling his face away from his collar bone before whispering,

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't stay away,"

"And you're a jerk for staying away so long,"

"And you're a little punk for not coming to find me,"

"Well, as a matter of fa-"

"-As a matter of fact I think you should shut up,"

Steve went to say more, but that's a little bit hard to do with Bucky's tongue in his mouth. Not that's he's _complaining_.

Bucky has grabbed on to Steve's shirt and has now swung them around so that their positions are reversed. Steve is now pressed against the wall, Bucky's leg between his, Bucky leaning down over him, now kissing his neck, biting down softly on his almost too prominent collar bone.

Steve sighed reaching down to push Bucky off, then reaching back up to pull him back, connecting their lips.

Steve moans as Bucky's hands travel down his thighs, before hoisting them up around his waist. Bucky was holding him up, hands cupping his ass and Steve pulled back,

  
"I hate that,"

"You love it,"

Then they dive back in for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title is a song by the wonderfully congregated Panic! At The Disco and it is called;  
> Hurricane
> 
>  
> 
> It's a little short, my chapters range in length to add a weirdness because I am weird.
> 
> Oops


	3. So Come One, Come All To This Tragic Affair

"Steve,"

Steve started pulling up Bucky's shirt, kissing him on the mouth. Bucky has gotten hot and bothered and, this is not at all what he came here to do, but he can't seem to stop.  
"Steve,"

But Steve had his always slightly cold hands up his shirt, running them along his stomach and Bucky can't concentrate.

That and he doesn't think he's ever been able to concentrate around Steve.  
His hands get into Steve's hair and he knows he needs to stop, because he's got something to say, but for the life of him he can't think of what it is.

His hands travel down to Steve's thighs once again, getting ready to carry him.  
He gets them off the wall, with only a slight gasp form Steve as he walks them to the small bed, carefully laying Steve down.

Now that Steve is out of his immediate reach he remembers what he came here to do.  
"Steve, we can't,"

Steve looks at him, hair out of place, clothes dishevelled, pupils blown wide and lips red and bitten. Bucky loves Steve when he's like this. Not perfect but the most beautiful human he has ever laid eyes on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Song By My Chemical Romance called;  
> The End.
> 
> I CAN ACTUALLY PLAY THIS BITCH ON THE PIANO


	4. We're Only Dreaming, What's The Problem Baby? Don't Mean To Break Your Heart

"Why?"

"It's the same routine, every time. We fight, I leave, I come back, we make up and then we're back at it again. We must've done it a million times,"

Steve chews his lip worriedly and Bucky almost moans because he's trying to have a real conversation here and that _is not helping_. 

"I know,"

"So what do you want to do?"

"I don't know,"

They look at each other, staring into each other's eyes until Steve looks away. He turns his gaze to the tiny window.

Bucky runs his hands through his already messed up hair, closing his eyes and sighing. He opens them when he hears a sniffle from the bed.

He immediately rushed over to sit down next to his tiny friend-lover? What even were they?

"Stevie?"

He gently tipped Steve's chin toward him, putting a hand either side of his face, brushing the tears away,

"You alright Stevie?"

"Well, if we're not gonna do this Buck, calling me ' _Stevie_ ' has gotta stop,"

"Think I'll have to keep doing this then doll. I can't stop, sorry,"

That got a laugh out of him.

Music to Bucky's ears. His laugh always made him so happy. If Steve was happy, then so was he.

But Steve wasn't happy. Bucky could see it. See the way his chest was rising faster and faster it looked like he was starting hyperventilate.

"Hey, hey, hey. Come on. Shh, shhh. We shouldn't even be doing this, and I know and you know we're not good,"

Steve was crying now and Bucky was brushing the tears off as quickly as they came,

"No, no, no, that-that came out wrong, it's not wrong, god it's not wrong, no 'cause it's so good, we're good, you're-you're so good, _so good_ Stevie,"

Steve chuckled, wiping his nose. Bucky smiled and gently pressed his lips to Steve's, it was sad and slow and Bucky stopped it before it got out of hand. He was trying to stop this. Stop Steve getting hurt. He'd only just suggested it and he can already feeling his resolve slipping as he looked at Steve.

Steve and his pretty blond hair, a mess currently from Bucky running his hands through it. Steve and his pretty blue eyes, shiny from tears and staring at him with sorrow and adoration. Steve and his outrageously long eyelashes. Steve and his strong jawline. Steve and his small frame. Steve and his small height. Steve and his deep voice, too deep you'd think for his body. Steve and his hip bones, too prominent, but perfect still. Steve and his fire, his passion for everything he does. Steve and his stubbornness. Steve and his asthma, playing up when they kissed. Steve getting angry when that happened. Steve's lips.

God, he wanted so badly to kiss those lips and tell him, tell him that he was joking, that they should just kiss and he should just let Bucky hold him.

He knew he had to say this.

He had to protect Steve.

"I don't want us getting arrested. You know what they'll do to us in prison. They don't like fellas like us in prison. And there's no way I'm letting them take you Stevie. You'll start too many fights doll, and I won't be able to step in and help,"

Steve nods sadly a small smile on his face as Bucky calls him 'doll'.

"I know Buck. What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know sweetheart, but I know one thing,"

Steve looked at him, with sad baby blue eyes and Bucky couldn't believe he was actually gonna do this.

"That this isn't good for us,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Titled by a song from Pierce The Veil;  
> Dive In


	5. And I Could Kid Myself, Into Thinking That I'm Fine

"Please, stay in here, with me,"

It had been three days when they decided to stop.

It was hurting them and it was tiring them out and they knew they had to stop.  
Bucky had been sleeping on the couch, much to Steve's protest. There was no way in hell he was letting Steve sleep on the couch, not as it was just turning to Autumn.

Bucky was taking some extra shifts down at the docks and Steve was taking some at the corner store so that they could buy an extra bed.

Bucky sighed. They were going to stop this, whatever it was. Despite how good it felt, how right it felt, it was dangerous. If they were even caught being slightly more friendly then deemed appropriate, and someone reported it, it was off to the slammer for them both.

But Bucky couldn't just leave.

He slowly made his way toward Steve.

The moonlight was coming in from the window, illuminating Steve's peaceful features. He had a small smile on his face as he looked up at Bucky, his face relaxed.

Bucky licked his lips as he sat down next to him, back facing him.

He felt arms wrap around his waist and he tried not to sigh, opting for biting his lip instead and closing his eyes.

He felt Steve's legs go on either side of him and Bucky tried really hard not to lean back.

Their bed creaked as Steve shifted himself closer, resting his head on Bucky's shoulder.

"Steve, we can't,"

"One more night,"

Bucky bit his lip as Steve pressed a kiss to his jaw. Bucky said in a half-hearted warning tone,

"Steve,"

"One more night,"

Bucky turned around in his grasp so that he was facing Steve. Steve's hands were resting on his bare hips now, under his shirt. Bucky tugged on one of Steve's suspenders.

"We can't,"

He said, voice husky before sucking in his bottom lip. He wasn't sure if he was leaning in or if Steve was leaning in but he was more focused on the way Steve's lips parted and his tongue flicked as he spoke next,

"One more night,"

He shifted back, one hand on Bucky's hip, the other sliding up to grab his shirt collar. He started leaning back staring right into his best friends eyes.

"We shouldn't,"

Bucky put his leg between Steve's and let Steve pull him over him. Soon he was hovering above Steve and his hands were under Bucky's shirt and Bucky could no longer concentrate.

All he could see was Steve's eyes, the blue being almost eaten by his pupils as they blew wide with lust. All he could see was Steve's lips as he flicked his tongue out to lick them in one suave movement. All he could smell was Steve and the terrible soap they shared. Steve and his cheap cologne and the scent of coffee and the cheap charcoal dust on his hands and a smudge of it on his jaw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a song by the wonderfully extravagant and talented Panic! At The Disco called:  
> Always


	6. What Goes Around Is Coming Back And Haunting You

_1939_

"We can't,"

"Fuck it,"

Steve pushed him against the door and started sucking on his collarbone. Bucky felt his head slam back against the door and moaned.

"Stop,"

"Make me,"

Bucky mumbled something about him being _such a little fucking punk_ , before pushing him roughly on their couch and attacking his hips with his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This title is from that really aggressive punk song by green day called:  
> Platypus (I Hate You)


	7. And Some Secrets Weren't Meant To Be Told

_1940_

"It's getting intense over there, isn't it Buck?"

They are watching a news report on the television of a new development in the war. Their dates were off dancing with some other guys, friends of theirs that had found them here.

"You're not wrong doll,"

"Don't call me that,"

He says angrily. They'd recently had a fight. Well, more like Steve was angry at Bucky, cause Bucky had gone into his secret sketch book without his permission.

It had been their longest streak without screwing up their agreement.

A month and a half without them both caving.

But Bucky still refuses to call him anything but " _doll_ " and " _sweetheart_ " and " _Stevie_ " and it generally made it hard for Steve to _concentrate_ and _not_ turn the colour of a tomato.

"Hey now, I said I'm sorry,"

"Yeah, well I never do anything like that to you,"

"That's cause I don't like keeping secrets from you Stevie,"

He says sadly. Steve's sighs and looks at the sad pout Bucky has on his lips. He wants so badly to kiss it off them but he refrains.

They're in _public._

They can't _kiss._

This is the longest they've gone without kissing.

They can't kiss.

They can't kiss.

They can't _kiss._

_They can't kiss._

So Steve leans over and wraps an arm around his friends neck pulling his head against his chest.

Bucky laughs softly as Steve says,

"Okay, how about this. You can look in my sketch book, so long as when you have a journal, or something like that, I can look through it, without you getting angry,"

Bucky grins, squeezing Steve's waist.

"Seems fair,"

"Bucky, come dance,"

Bucky turns, but not before throwing a wink at Steve as his date slid in awkwardly beside him.

"I'm coming little darlin', song you like?"

"Mmhmm, my favourite,"

It was obvious she was flirting with him. Bucky licked his lips, a twitch Steve had learned from his many experienced years on the research and observation of James "Bucky" Buchanan Barnes.

"Well then, looks like I'll really have to step up my game now,"

And with that, he grabbed her hand, skipping into a very energetic Lindy Hop.

Steve watched as Bucky swung his hips and twisted his feet, swinging his partner around. Bucky had always been a wonderful dancer.

A ritzy kinda clipster, that always hit on all sixes.

He moved with such grace and fluidity that it was almost like he was born dancing. The way he lead the girl around and held her close and spun her around was almost hypnotising.

Next moment he's dipping her, then almost throwing her back up before doing the Huston Push. They fall back into a slow Lindy Hop.

Bucky pushes the girl back and she spins around a few times before jumping toward him. He catches her and she has her legs around his waist. Soon Bucky's hands are on her waist and hers are resting on his shoulders. He has a flirty grin on his face as he lifts her up over his head so that she's practically doing a hand stand on his shoulders. He swings her back down to the sound of the crowds cheers and "Get Hot! Get Hot!'s" and gasps and he's smiling, cause he _knows_ he's all that.

And when Bucky catches Steve's eyes as he swings around he doesn't wish that it was Steve he was swirling around.

He _doesn't wish_ that he could dance this close with his best friend.

He _doesn't wish_ that it was Steve's boney hands holding his while he starts dancing the East Coast Swing.

He _doesn't wish_ that it was Steve's legs that had wrapped around his waist.

And he _certainly doesn't wish_ that he could show Steve off to everyone in here and get him the recognition he deserves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This title is from a song from Fetus Fall Out Boy called:  
> I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Sing Written About Me


	8. And For The Last Night I Lie, Could I Lie Next To You?

**_1941_ **

  
"Don',"

"'nd why not?"

Steve narrowed his eyes at Bucky's too red lips.

"Did you kiss 'er?"

"It may 'ave been 'er that kissed me,"

"Did you like it?"

"Not as much as when you kiss me,"

Bucky leaned back in for a kiss, but was stopped by Steve's hand on his chest. Bucky stopped respectively, with a slight roll of his eyes. Bucky was drunk, it was his last night, before he got shipped off and all he wanted to do, was make out with his best friend one last time.

He wanted his (maybe) last memory of their Brooklyn apartment, to be of Steve's lips pressed on his. He wanted the last thing he felt to be Steve's sharp hipbones. He wanted the last thing that he would see to be Steve's pretty blue eyes, pupils blown wide under (or above) him. He wanted nothing more then to hold Steve close, like he wish he could in public, one last time.

But here Steve was.

Stopping that.

All because some girl wanted to get frisky with Sgt. James Barnes.

And he _stopped_ her!

He didn't want her to kiss him any way.

Why Steve was acting this way was beyond him.

"Stevie,"

Bucky whined in his slightly intoxicated state. Steve rolled his eyes.

He actually found Bucky quite endearing only just buzzed from the alcohol they had drunk and in his army attire.

 _Damn._ And did his military uniform make him look dapper.

Steve would totally pin him against the wall right now and kiss him silly, if it weren't for the lip stick, that seems to have also made its way to his jaw.

"What?"

"Why won' you kiss me?"

He asked, a slight pout on his mouth. Steve wanted to kiss the pout right off his mouth. But he wouldn't. He _shouldn't_ , more importantly.

Bucky leaned back in for the kiss when Steve was distracted, but he dodged it and pushed Bucky away, stomping toward their room.

"Steve,"

Came another whine as hands wrapped around his boney wrist. Steve stopped as he was turned around and staring at Bucky's too red lips. Stained from someone's lip stick. Not red from him kissing the ever living day lights out of Bucky. But red from someone's stupid bright red lip stick.

"I don' like it,"

"Don' like what?"

He said with a flick of his tongue on his lips,

"You, kissin' someone that wasn' me,"

Bucky hummed,

"What don't ya like 'bout it?"

Steve wiped his finger along his jaw, wiping through the slightly sticky red lipstick.

  
"That's someone gets to mark you like this,"

Bucky put his fore finger through Steve's belt buckle loop. He started slowly pulling Steve toward him, a filthy grin on his face,

"Then why don' ya kiss it off?"

"'Cause we said we ain' doin' that no more,"

Bucky looked him up and down, eyes dripping down him like honey. He reached out with the other hand and caught the belt loop on the other side.

"Well, didn' ya say ya didn' like it when someone else marked me up?"

Steve tilt his head, trying his hardest not to let Bucky pull him too close (but failing, obviously). Bucky had the dirtiest gleam in his eye and the way he was biting his lip was absolutely intoxica-terrible, _no Steve, bad._

"That's not exactly stickin' to the arrangement,"

"Well this ain' either,"

Bucky had a cat-got-the-canary grin on his face as he said that and kept flipping that tongue out slowly on his lips.

It _was_ intoxicating.

His deep voice, husky and full of want. His steely blue-grey eyes like a storm at sea, just as beautiful, just as deadly. His hair was styled perfectly, just fresh from the barber, ready for the army in a days time. And his uniform made him look twice as beautiful and ten times more. . . Well, let's say that Steve wasn't exactly thinking up some "Disney-esque" (that new children's movie animator, Walt Disney) fantasies.

Not like the kinda things that could bum rush him from freedom.

More like the kinda things he would get _bopped_ for.

He couldn't help it though.

He kinda knew that the lip stick staining his neck and mouth were getting him all kinds of flustered.

He just wished he could do that.

"Yeah, 'nd what does this 'ave to do with this conversation,"

In one swift motion he pulled them both against the wall, causing Steve to put both hands on either side of the wall next to Bucky, boxing him in.

He slowly leaned down to Steve's ear, lips brushing against the lobe before taking it into his mouth.

He sucked gently and Steve tried to push off the wall, only to find that one of Bucky's hands was wrapped tightly around his waist, the other slowly making its way down his abdomen to his crotch. If there was one thing Bucky was exceptionally good at it was dirty talking. He could say the most outrageous things that would get Steve all riled up, with out even trying.

Steve's breath hitched as Bucky detached his lips from making Steve's ear red and whispering,

"How 'bout you mark me up 'stead,"

Steve gasped as Bucky bit down on the lobe and sucking before quickly adding,

"But this time,"

He licked Steve's favourite spot, just behind the lobe of his ear,

"You make it a lil' more permanent,"

Bucky breathed down his neck, lips ghosting his skin. Steve could feel his resolve slipping.

"And let everyone know,"

He pulled back and looked at Steve from under his army green cap and long lashes framing his beautiful eyes.

"That I'm all yours,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This got kinda smutty really fast, fuck)
> 
> This title is from a My Chemical Romance song (old school MCR) and it's called;
> 
> The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you liked it!


	9. I Guess It's Just Too Late To Say "I Love You,"

Bucky was gone.

It took a week since Bucky left to realise that Steve loved him.

Like, not just as his best friend.

Like on a scale of _hey you're pretty cool_ to _I wanna fucking spend the rest of my life with you, you fucking beautiful idiot, and wake up next to your stupid face every morning and hold you and tell everyone you're mine and fuck I love you,_ he was pretty sure he was the latter.

Despite the fact that if he did any of those things in public, they'd be fucked.

Beaten and thrown in jail, never to see each other again.

And he might never see him again. He might never get to tell him that he loves him.

And he was so angry.

And so somber.

And he wanted to punch himself in the face for not realising it earlier.

And his life was suddenly a fleeting flash of moments.

Dr. Erskine came to him to let him join the army, he didn't even have to think.

He went to the camp, met COL Phillips and the brilliant Peggy Carter, before being injected with the serum.

And before he knew it, Dr Erskine was dead. Shot and on the floor, telling Steve to be a good man. Steve was tall, he was muscly, he could run twenty metres without having an asthma attack, his back didn't ache, he was strong and healthy and _oh my god I gotta get Dr Erskine's killer._

Suddenly he was running and launching over various fences and cars and cars were blowing up and he couldn't control his massive body.

Steve caught the traitor, the serum cracking, liquid going everywhere.

And suddenly he wasn't going to war. He was dressed up in a ridiculous suit with wings and stripes and _fucking stars_. He was being paraded around with a team of pretty women dancing around him in red, white and blue skirts and frills and he swears that he'd knocked "Hitler" out at least 200 times.

And suddenly he was thrown into war, dressed like an idiot standing in front of _real_ soldiers, _real_ soldiers helping their country by fighting and Steve felt dumb and worth the tomatoes thrown at him.

Soon he just got on stage and waited till they asked for the girls back.

"I hear you're 'Americas New Hope'?"

Steve looks up from his sketch of a monkey riding on a unicycle.

"Bond sales take a 10% bump in every state I visit,"

"Is that Senator Brandt I hear?"

"At least he's got me doing this. Phillips would have had be stuck in lab,"

Peggy looked like she fought hard to roll her eyes before saying,

"And these are your only two options? A lab rat or a dancing monkey? You were meant for more than this, you know?"

And with that he stood up and made his way to the Colonel's tent and asked for Bucky's name.

With the news he got, he wouldn't give up. He'd find Bucky, his Bucky, dead or alive, ( _please, please, let him be alive_ ) or he would die trying.

"What do you plan to do? Walk to Austria?"

Peggy was frantically trying to keep up with him. Ever since the serum, it'd been the other way around, Steve barely keeping up with Peggy.

"If that's what it takes,"

"You heard the Colonel, you're friend is most likely dead-"

"-You don't know that,"

Steve cut in quickly. H _e's not dead, he's not dead, he's not dead,_ was the mantra playing in his head.

He can't be, not yet.

"Even so, he's devising a strategy to take-"

"-By the time he's done that, it could be too late! You told me you thought I was meant for more than this. Did you mean that?"

Peggy looked at him with an emotion unfathomable to him, before nodding curtly,

"Every word,"

"Then you gotta let me go,"

She stopped and Steve stopped beside her, watching as her perfect brows knitted together.

". . . I can do more than that. . ."

And soon he was dropping from a plane in a hail of gunfire and he was fairly certain he was lacking a parachute but none of that matters because his head was filled with Bucky. But when wasn't it?

And soon he was fighting several men, jumping into trucks, before breaking out several hundred other soldiers.

"Wait! You know what you're doing?"

Steve turned, more or less shrugged before grinning slightly and saying,

"Yeah. I knocked Adolf Hitler out 200 times,"

The men looked extremely stunned as he took off, not really caring about much, hoping that they'd make it out alive.

And as he ran around a corner, finding a short stocky man struggling to carry several papers and briefcases walking briskly out of the room, he realised he must be close. So the stocky man all but bolts down the hall, holding onto his ugly hat and Steve runs into the room, hope filling his chest, choking him, but he doesn't care.

And when he sees Bucky strapped to the table, muttering his serial code and his name, almost as though it was the only thing he could remember, his heart breaks just as much as he can feel it mend.

And when he leans over Bucky mumbling softly,

"It's me, it's Steve,"

"Steve,"

Just one word, just the look on Bucky's face. The look of pure wonder and hope and happiness and Steve is falling in love all over again.

And he can't quite hate himself for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHAHAHA
> 
> No smut (at least not yet ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) because I'm evil.
> 
>  
> 
> Is everyone mad that I drafted Bucky?
> 
> I red this to my friend and she slapped me in the face.
> 
>  
> 
> I don't personally know this song, but my friend told me about it because she told me it fit the scenario; It's by An Atlas to Follow called;  
> Too Late To Say I Love You


	10. For This Is Love Or It's World War Zero

They stalked back into camp, only brushing with enemy lines a few times, only losing a few recruits.

Steve couldn't take his eyes off of Bucky.

He looked _terrible_ , covered in layers and layers of dirt, blood and grime. His hair was messy and longer than army required. His shirt was open, exposing his chest and Steve sincerely hoped that nobody noticed the way he stared a little too long at that expanse of chest and need to ask for a flask to wet his suddenly dry throat.

He looked _horrible_ , dog tags hanging from his neck, dirty like the rest of him and Steve wanted nothing more than to grab them and pull him close.

He looked absolutely _wrecked_ , with a cut on his cheek bone and dry blood in his ear and the limp he had going on. And Steve wanted nothing more then to pick him up and take him back to Brooklyn, back home, to take care of him.

He looked so _haunted_ , cheek bones and beautiful eyes, still so piercing, sunken in, his collar bone too prominent and when he touched his back to guide him forward he could feel the knots of his spine under his palm.

He held the gun in his calloused hands, wrists too skinny and too expert in the way he held it.

He looked drained and sometimes confused, stumbling around, needing Steve to guide him back on the route to camp.

And Steve still couldn't help but think of him as beautiful, just as he was back in Brooklyn, pardoning his scruff and grime, he looked just as filthy with his smirk and charm, all directed at Steve.

And Steve couldn't help that he wanted to jump Bucky right there.

And as they walked into camp and Bucky shouting, grinning smugly at Steve's blush,

"Let's hear it for Captain America!"

Steve couldn't help but hear the sadness in his voice.

 

They were getting drinks and Bucky looked like absolute _shit_.

He was too pale, too scruffy, too down, not like the ritzy boy from Brooklyn.

 _That_ boy was all glamour and flirty glances. _That_ boy was all filthy grins and charm, who'd never turn a down a dame if she wanted a dance. _That_ boy whose eyes shined like the water at the beach and whose grin could light a thousand bulbs. _That_ boy was oozing charisma and confidence.

The boy that sat beside him now was quite. The boy that sat next to him now watched everyone's movements like a hawk. The boy that sat opposite him flinched if you moved too quickly. The boy that was sat close to him was leaning on him, letting Steve do all the talking.

The boy next to him was careful.

The boy he was now was so much different to that one back in Brooklyn, what feels like a lifetime ago.

But the boy next to him, when he would, his smile was tentative but still just as bright.

And Steve couldn't help but want to get to know this new Bucky seated next to him.

The one that had trouble smiling.

The one that looked at him as though he held all the answers.

The one that was gripping his hand too tightly underneath the table.

And when they were alone that night, after the celebratory drinks and the request to make a team, Bucky stood up from his bed and finally pulled his friend into his embrace.

Steve tucked his head into Bucky's neck, a lot more awkward with his great size now.

He held him too tight, could feel every one of his ribs against his palm and feel his breath brush his hair.

But he wouldn't let go, because Bucky was holding him just as tightly.

They stood sat there, tangled in each other's arms, backs aching at the awkward angles but neither of the two boys could bare letting the other go.

When they finally pulled away, eyes puffy and faces wet, Bucky punched him in the arm.

"You're a fuckin' grand stand,"

"Here we go,"

"What made you think you could storm into enemy lines and single handedly save hundreds of men? What made you think that you would be able to _fight_ hundreds of men?"

He stood up and picked up the stage prop helmets and shield before crying out,

"These aren't even _real_! What would you have done if you got _shot_ Stevie!? This thing is a terrible shield! It's barely as thick as a piece of paper! And don't get me started on this helmet! It's not even standard army issue! It's a fucking prop!"

Bucky continued his spiel and even though Steve was tall now, could fend for himself and didn't need taking care of, Bucky continued to mother him.

And although he hated it, he was just thankful, so thankful, that he'd get to hear it for the rest of his life.

"Stevie! I'm here so _you_ can be _safe_ in Brooklyn! You were _supposed_ to stay and be safe in-!"

With out thinking, he plucked the dumb stage prop from his hands, grabbed the lapels of his stupid green shirt that made him unfairly irresistible, and finally did what he'd been wanting to do since he knew he was alive.

Kiss his best friend stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)
> 
>  
> 
> Title from Green Day's new song:
> 
> Bang Bang


	11. Chapter 11

Bucky had complied immediately, reaching up to wrap his arms around his best friends neck. Steve sighed when Bucky pushed him back, missing this and he couldn't help but grin.

Bucky huffed a laugh before bumping their noses and saying,

"I can't kiss ya doll if you keep smilin',"

And Steve didn't need any more encouragement then that.

His smile dropped, but not with a smirk from Bucky, before a hand was in his hair, bringing his face down to meet Bucky's lips.

Steve's hands travelled down to Bucky's waist, pressing their stomachs together and moaning at the contact of their crotches. Bucky was nibbling his lip and pulling on his hair and _oh my god_ , driving him fucking crazy.

And Steve suddenly got an idea.

He ran his hands over Bucky's ass, stopping on his thighs before lifting him up and putting them around his waist.

Bucky stopped kissing him and pulled back gripping Steve's shoulders tighter.

"Oh, how the tables have turned,"

Bucky grinned filthily and Steve felt a spark of heat pool inside his abdomen. Bucky licked his lips before leaning in and effectively wiping the smug grin off Steve's face with a simple tongue in the mouth.

Not that Steve was complaining.

Any part of Bucky inside of him was always going to be good.

And he walked them back to the bed, throwing Bucky down gently.

Bucky stared up at him, pupils blown wide, taking up most of his ice blue eyes. His lips were red and puffy from where he had bitten and pulled and sucked on them. He licked them again, his eyes moving from his crotch, lazily trailing his eyes up to Steve's.

Propping himself up on his elbows, a wicked grin on his features as Steve began to crawl over him.

He hovered above Bucky and stared into his eyes.

The air seemed to shift, Bucky's grin softened, Steve's heart beating steadily (if not still racing) and he was looking up at him with so much adoration and care that made Steve lean down a lot slower to connect their lips.

This kiss was slow. They took their time. Deepening it, hands sliding over muscles and down each other's sides.

Steve flipped them over on the tiny bed with several giggles at the effort of it.  
Bucky straddled him and leaned down to kiss his neck, pressing open mouth kisses along Steve's collar bone and shoulder, sucking purple marks.

Steve threw his head back, shuddering at the contact, giving him more access, a hand moving to tug gently at the hair at the nape his best friends neck.

Slowly his hand travelled down to the front of Steve's suit, lifting up the layers of material and letting his cold hands roam across the expanse of his abs.

Steve grabbed his chin, pecking his lips before pulling off his shirt.

Bucky pulled back and stared at Steve.

He was toned and muscly and Bucky swore that he could probably crack a walnut between his pecks.

And as he ran his hands over Steve's hard abs and over his pecs, he once again felt unworthy of Steve's attention.

He didn't understand why Steve would have wanted him even before this whole transformation, but why he would want him now? When he finally had the body to back up his voice? When he could have anyone else? Literally anyone he wanted, why would he want Bucky?

"I don't deserve you,"

He muttered, trying hard not to let his despair leak through. It mustn't've worked, because Steve's eyes went wide and held onto Bucky's hips as he tried to get off.

"No, no, no, I don't, I don't deserve you Buck,"

Bucky shook his head, running his hands across Steve's pecs. He looked into his eyes. Steve's eyes were sky blue, with a ring of navy on the outside. And they were always showing emotion. He was an open book, his eyes the words.

And his eyes currently held a lot of hope and urgency and Bucky knew that he'd never be worthy of the man beneath him.

"You're right Steve,"

Steve seemed to relax visibly, moving a hand to rest on his neck.

"You deserve someone better,"

Steve shook his head and leaned up to kiss Bucky. Bucky wouldn't listen to him tell him how perfect he was, so he'd do something else.

"You may be right Bucky,"

He nodded and tried to get off once more, but Steve held him tightly.

"But I don't want anyone else,"

Bucky looked at him, ice blue eyes doubtful and full of self hatred,

"Because you're all that I want,"

And then he connected their lips once again in a blissful, desperate but slow kiss, trying to convey everything they felt to each other.

And Steve pulled up Bucky's shirt, pulling back and staring slightly shocked and angry at his prominent ribs.

Staring at his boney hips, the cuts that littered his chest and bruises that coloured his too pale skin.

Staring at the way his collar bone jutted out, almost grotesquely.

He felt rage pool in the pit of his stomach.

He wouldn't stop until all of HYDRA paid for what they did to Bucky, regardless of whether or not they actually affected him or not.

_It's almost like we've swapped, he's now the skinny one._

Steve leaned up and kissed each scar, each bruise with care, whispering sweet nothings to his friend.

Bucky moaned when Steve's mouth sucked at his hip and he whispered something unintelligible and Steve could think nothing but _I love you, I love you, I love you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot


End file.
